


in total darkness [we reach out and touch]

by onefootonego (startingXI)



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: BDSM, Multi, tw: minor top drop, tw: sub drop
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-11
Updated: 2017-07-11
Packaged: 2018-11-30 19:29:23
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,619
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11470176
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/startingXI/pseuds/onefootonego
Summary: "we would never." lucy says, mocking offense "we would never use that knowledge to fluster you. it wouldn't be fair for me to mention how i'm going to tie you to the bed." her words are full of heat and desire "on your back. hands tied with that pretty purple rope. ankles around that spreader bar we bought last month." she pauses and you're doing your best to keep a level gaze, but her words are turning you on, building you upand dinner isn't even over yet."like i said," her voice normal, flippant almost "we would never."





	in total darkness [we reach out and touch]

**Author's Note:**

> title from: touch by troye sivan

in many ways, tonight is a miracle. it is a convergence of events that, on their own, feel so rare - and yet, through mostly lucky it feels, here you all are. it is you, it is lucy and it is maggie. the three of you, your partners facing not just one day off, but two. two whole days off in a row wherein all three of you are safe from the calls of the working world. 

it is a special occasion indeed. 

and the three of you are celebrating aptly. 

first, 

dinner. 

and not just a hastily thrown together meal based on what's in the fridge or the freezer. this was planned. this was maggie at her desk, suffering a death by paperwork and asking you both 

**[1:32pm] maggie:** i'm cooking tonight, what do y'all want. 

**[1:35pm] lucy:** don't feel like playing chopped apartment 1381 edition?

 **[1:40pm] maggie:** ha. ha. 

**[1:41pm] alex:** i think that means no luce. 

**[1:43pm] maggie:** damn right its means no. whatever you guys pick has to have at least one vegetable in it. each. 

**[1:44pm] lucy:** *sick emoji*

 **[1:45pm] alex:** *sick emoji* *sick emoji*

 **[1:47pm] maggie:** heathens. 

**[1:48pm] alex:** what about that thing you made for game night, the thing that kara liked? 

**[1:51pm] lucy:** oh yes. what was that with the spiralized sweet potato??? 

**[1:53pm] maggie:** the spiralized sweet potato with peanut sauce? 

**[1:56pm] lucy:** yes. that. make that. 

**[2:00pm] alex:** seconded. 

**[2:01pm] maggie:** i'm so proud of you two. that has multiple vegetables in it. 

**[2:03pm] alex:** don't tell kara that. 

**[2:05pm] lucy:** don't tell me that.

 **[2:10pm] maggie:** you're both ridiculous. i'm swinging by the grocery store on the way home. do we need anything?

 **[2:12pm] maggie:** i'm about to go into this meeting, txt me what y'all need. 

and so it had been. maggie coming back from work on her triumph with the necessary supplies to make what kara had described has 

_'an almost acceptable substitute for potstickers.'_

which is saying something.

there are, of course, other things in the works. plans that were not for potentially overseen group chats. plans to be talked about over dinner when lucy opens with, 

"you know what i was thinking we could do?" 

"fuck?" maggie drops casually, smirking. 

"you've got such a way with words sawyer. really know how to make women feel special." you reply.

"i literally just made you both dinner, pretty sure that qualifies as making my girls feel special." 

"anyway," lucy says "you weren't wrong." 

"i sense a but." maggie says, and you do too. 

plus, lucy's got that look in her eyes. a look that tells you she's planning something. 

and generally, when that look is directed at you, like this, it means you're going to end up on your knees. or begging. begging to come, begging to be touched, begging for lucy to stop making you come. any and all of which have happened before. any and all of which lucy has enjoyed replying with a quiet, a soft and ever so confident 

_"not yet ally, not yet babe. a little bit more. a little bit longer. you're so good for us. such a good girl."_

lucy glances in maggies direction "you and i have a bet." 

"oh no." you groan quietly, but the tone isn't echoed in the way your mouth feels suddenly drier and the heat that's shot directly between your legs is making you shift in your seat. 

you remember this bet. 

"which one?" maggie asks, feigning confusion - catching how your face has flushed already. how your body is reaction to the mere notion. 

she knows damn well which one. 

"how long alex last until she comes without us touching her clit." 

and the way lucy says it, 

"i thought it was without touching her down there at all." maggie supplies - because oh of course _now_ she has no problems remembering. 

"you're right." lucy amends, a wicked look in her eyes, mirrored in maggies smile. 

those looks, they do things to you. 

[things that six months ago, a year ago you never thought were possible to feel. the call of submitting, the way you enjoy getting on your knees for lucy and maggie like you never enjoyed with anyone else.] 

[not that you got on your knees like this for anyone else. there were guys, with too rough hands - moments where you balked.] 

[but now, now you have no fear.] 

those looks, they turn you on and make you go weak at the knee, and well, you're bright green besides. 

"five minutes danvers." maggie says, her voice full of confidence - as if she's assuring you in your ability to hit a target from a hundred yards "with  
both of us teasing you, i think five minutes." 

you think no minutes. you think you're already wet and wanting. 

"i think," lucy says, leveling her gaze at you and provoking an end to all coherent thought on your part "she'll be a good girl. wait until she's got permission to come." 

there's heat radiating from your cheeks now, and the food you were so desperate for upon coming home suddenly seems in the way. you feel them both looking at you, can feel their shared smirks as they revel in your reaction to their words. to their casual exchange. 

"fuck." is all you can manage around a mouthful of sweet potato and grilled chicken. food that had been hastily stuffed into your mouth to prevent such an outburst as that. 

but, 

oh well.

"so articulate, isn't she." lucy says casually "our alex." 

maggie nods, taking a long sip of her water "incredible."

you raise a choice finger in their direction "it's not fair," you say "you know what," you pause, reaching for water again - your mouth is insatiably dry. 

"what dirty talk does to you?" maggie supplies 

"exactly." 

"we would never." lucy says, mocking offense "we would never use that knowledge to fluster you. it wouldn't be fair for me to mention how i'm going to tie you to the bed." her words are full of heat and desire "on your back. hands tied with that pretty purple rope. ankles around that spreader bar we bought last month." she pauses and you're doing your best to keep a level gaze, but her words are turning you on, building you up 

and dinner isn't even over yet. 

"like i said," her voice normal, flippant almost "we would never."

you're so wet you can feel it. 

"you would never." you half choke, half scoff "right." 

it's only when maggie's hand brushes the back of your neck that you realize she's stood up at all. you arch into her touch "you need to eat some more." maggie says "you're going to the stamina." 

she's refilling all your water glasses with a pitcher from the fridge and as she sits back down there's a new tension across the table. one that encourages quick eating and minimal speaking, and when all the plates are cleared, lucy is standing. 

this is the shift, 

she's standing and she's saying "mags, go get stuff ready in the bedroom. alex and i will take care of the dishes." 

there's no complaint from maggie. she stands, taking the long way around the table so she can trail her fingers across your shoulders, let them skim across the back of your neck. you can feel every hair on end. 

and then she's gone. 

as so much will be the theme for the night. 

you also know that this - piling dishes and cups between yourself and lucy - it's a moment for her to check in with you. a moment she will create with maggie in a few minutes time. 

you're rinsing dishes in the sink, preparing to put them in the dishwasher and then there's lucy's hand on your back. her lips against your neck "colour, babe?" 

you snake a damp hand around lucy's waist and pulling her closer, turning your head so you can kiss her fully "green." you hum, breaking the kiss you?" 

"bright green." she replies, her smile all teeth and her eyes all love. 

you shiver. 

lucy leans forward and kisses you again "get the leftovers in a container." she says gently, but there's the air of a command already interlacing her words "then, when you're ready, three gatorades from the fridge and come into the bedroom." 

"okay." 

there's a soft, but demanding nip at your earlobe. a reminder. 

"you know better than that." lucy chastises quietly.

"sorry," you take a breath "sorry." lucy rocks onto her toes, kisses the curl of your jaw and 

fuck, 

breathing is hard. 

"sorry ma'am." 

"better." lucy hums, leaning forward to kiss you again and then, in a breath, she's stepped back. 

she's moving down the hall, towards the bedroom the three of you share. 

it's a real room, with a door and walls and a metal headboard - part of the apartment the three of you moved in to four months ago. a place with two bedrooms and two bathrooms. a balcony, and a kitchen that brought maggie nearly to tears the first time she saw it. 

it's your place, the three of you. 

home. 

never before have you felt as comfortable anywhere as you do here. 

with it's photos on the walls and the balcony doors closed, but never locked. 

the lights are dim - and the fridge is bright against your eyes as you put leftovers onto a shelf. there's a designated sports drink shelf and you pull three bottles from it. cool against your hands, against your stomach as you press them there so they don't drop. 

you let the fridge door shut with a thump. 

darkness. soft, city silence. 

closing your eyes you can hear maggie and lucy murming words down the hall. there's the hitch of a drawer and then a pause - 

there are sirens in the distance. 

but they are not for you. they are not drawing you away from this place you call home. 

instead, your feet are walking you forward, towards the bedroom. towards your girlfriends. 

every sense is heightened. the cool of the hardwood, the sink of the hallway rug. the way your shoulder brushes against the doorframe as you lean against it. 

your breath catches.

as it always does, because 

fuck, 

they're kissing gently. lucy with a hand in maggies hair, maggie already free of her shirt. both so relaxed, 

you step into the room and pause, watching, waiting, deferring all control to lucy now. 

and lucy makes you wait. 

lets you watch as she deepens her kiss with maggie for long, drawn out moments until they part - breathing ragged and lucy says "drinks on the bedside table." 

you know this, of course, but you wouldn't move until lucy told you to. 

"and," lucy says "strip for us babygirl. nice and slow. we've got to thank the cook for making dinner." 

you notice now how one of lucy's pressed behind maggie now. one of herhands has slipped under the waistband of maggie's basketball shorts. you notice how lucy has a hand twisted in maggie's hair, head ever so slightly tipped back - neck exposed but still able to watch you. 

it's commanding.

they're both breathing hard, lucy kissing and nipping at maggie's neck. winding her up, teasing. fingers moving slowly, you're sure. 

"now." lucy says, her voice sharp. 

"sorry." you reply quickly, ducking your head because as heightened as you are, that's twice now there has been reprimand in her voice "ma'am." you add, thumbs hooking the hem of your shirt and you start to pull up slowly. oh so slowly. 

you can hear lucy speaking into maggie's ear, even if the words themselves aren't clear. maggie's whimpers are. 

as you drop your shirt to the bedroom floor, you see maggie biting her lip and arching into all of lucy's touches "pants next." lucy says "underwear too." 

you comply. letting them watching you. so comfortable are you now with their eyes tracing over your bruised and battered body. your scars, you stories laid out, for them always. 

there is a pool of clothing at your feet by the time lucy gives her next command 

"touch yourself." 

you whine and maggie lets out a long "oh fuck." 

so you touch yourself, palm gliding over your nipples. the other hand skimming down your stomach, and 

"clit. two fingers." lucy tells you. 

you wonder if she's doing the same to maggie. 

maggie who's writhing and whimpering and you're not sure how much longer she's going to last. 

"faster." lucy tells you, her words cutting through the haze of your own arousal. dragging you back to the present, two fingers rubbing and stroking your clit. coaxing it out. 

you know the night is young. 

you're going to endure a lot more than this before you earn your own orgasm.

maggie however, comes in pants and a string of curses and lucy's lips sucking and marking the top of her shoulder. 

you feel the wetness pooling between your legs. you feel your chest and neck flush, but you don't dare stop. 

not until lucy says. 

and when she does.

oh it's a relief. 

it's 

"stop." 

and it's 

"bed danvers, hands by the headboard." 

you haven't been touched yet, not by either of them and yet you're already so close. 

laying out on the bed watching as lucy brings maggie down from her orgasm with slow, lazy kisses. you, left there to watch, to get wet and to be obedient. 

you're rewarded, of course. 

maggie's hand brushing up your calf when she's back to her body, 

lucy saying "you're so good for us. such a good girl. but that was the easy part." 

and god. 

you're fucked, 

in the best of ways, sure. they've both got that look in their eyes, that competitive, that searing looking that tells you that tonight, 

tonight you're going to give and they're going to take. they're going to push and push and you're going to be strung out and sobbing by the end. 

so yes, 

you're fucked and you know it. 

*

you have not yet been fucked.

or rather, you have been fucked. but it's two of maggies fingers pumping and curling in and out of you so, 

agonizingly 

slow that you're crying out. that you're whimpering and thrashing and lucy's thighs are bracketing your head, so all you can do is focus on her. even as more whines rise in your throat and lucy's hand tightens in your short hair. her grip bordering on that pleasure-pain threshold grounds you, 

keeps you present. 

helps you from getting too lost in the haze of arousal that they're keeping you in. 

[five minutes has come and gone many times over by now - the first five minutes passed and lucy had barely begun spanking you. and now, so many minutes later, hours it could be, your ass is aflame] 

"yes, yes, yes fuck ally." lucy is saying - or that's what it sounds like when what you hear first and most of all is the shifting of sheets under lucy's knees as she rolls her hips to meet your tongue. 

she's riding your face, demanding more and more - knowing full well that you can keep up. that you're far from your limit. with hands tied to either upper corner of the bed. and your legs, true to her promise, are clipped to the spreader bar. 

which some part of you registers as a great purchase. yet right now, when you're _dripping_ and strung out and there isn't any possibility of squeezing your thighs together to get even the slightest amount of friction - 

"right there, right there." lucy is demanding and there's a sharper grip on your hair, a grip that makes you gasp. 

although if it's because of the tug or because all of a sudden maggie is no longer teasing you but actually, finally,

 _fucking_ you, you're not sure. that requires too much coherent thought and you are in too hazy a place to do anything more than chase lucy's orgasm. you can feel her thighs squeezing around your ears, her hips are jerking and shaking and you know, oh you know she's close. 

closer still when a high pitched whine escapes, filling the room until you're sure it's the only thing you can hear. 

lucy grinding down and you tasting her, and sucking her clit, stroking the flat of your tongue against it - 

while all at the same time maggie's fingers reaching deeper and deeper. curling and pressing against your g-spot, or very near. very nearly and each not so shallow thrust is pushing you closer to the edge. closer to the brink, to your shattering point. 

but lucy first, and in this moment it is not a long wait. you feel the telltale grind and thrust of lucy's hips and she's coming, she's coming, 

she's coming. 

and you think you could be too, almost, you're so close, you're at the edge, your back and hips arch off the bed and -

nothing. 

maggie's pulled out and if you could breathe, if you could form a whole single syllable word you'd be yelling 

"no!" 

but you can't. you are surrounded by lucy still shuddering and riding out her orgasm and you're left as maggie shifts up, straddling your thigh. you feel your ass, the fabric of the comforter feels harsh against your skin with every time you shift. finally, your eyes cooperate and open, lucy's hand goes gentle in your hair. she leans back into maggies arms and it's not, 

it's not fair. you whimper, unable to find those desperate words you're looking for. lucy trails her hand down your chest, rolling a peaked nipple between her fingers and you moan. maggie kisses lucy's neck and lucy says, chest rising and falling and shining with sweat 

"you're amazing ally. you know that?"

you're not sure you can speak. four times you've been brought to the edge by one or other or both of them. four times you've been denied. 

lucy strokes your cheek, smirking as you try to roll your hips - searching for something, anything that feels like the pressure you need. but you won't get it until lucy says. 

there's shifting and you let your eyes slip shut, focusing on breathing, on the sensations of maggie shifting off your thigh. you hear the twisting of a lid and then there's a hand in your hair, sliding down the back, guiding your head up. 

you take small sips of the drink. too sweet and not enough at the same time. you whine and open your eyes to see lucy taking a sip before passing it back to maggie. 

"colour?" lucy's asking and you hear the word, understand the question, but fuck if you can find a way to reply to it. 

you close your eyes and take a deep breath, trying to ground yourself in something, 

a hand tangling with your own tethered one, a hand squeezing yours. 

you, squeezing back once, twice, three times in a row. 

"so good." lucy murmurs in your ear. 

"please." you gasp, the word spilling from your lips before you can stop it "please." you repeat. 

they know what you're asking for. 

the pushing of a drawer shut catches your attention, lucy shifts off, shifting away from you. you're given a clear line of sight to maggie. maggie who's stepping into a harness, and there's a moment before you see the deep blue of the dildo she's picked. 

usually yes, 

usually it's perfect, 

but tonight, tonight the sight of it makes you stiffen and it makes you try and bring your thighs together despite themselves and your words are too far away, so instead you're snapping your fingers. it's fumbled and sloppy but the point is carried. 

there's lucy in your line of sight immediately, and there's maggie letting the harness fall, stepping out of it. 

there's a hand working at the knots around one wrist, there's an easy tug and then freedom. 

[both of lucy's hands take that one of yours for a moment] 

"you okay?" 

that's maggie's voice, soft and concerned and you can feel her hand settling on your hip. grounding you. 

you bring your free hand to your face, pushing sweat soaked hair back and take deep, steadying breaths "i" you start "yeah, no, i" you ramble. 

"take your time." maggie reminds, her voice free of the command, free of the teasing "it's okay, there's no rush." 

"it's too much." you say quietly, finally - feeling enough of yourself to be able to speak in full sentences instead of stops and starts "that strap." you swallow, not sure how to identify the feeling. 

you don't have to though, maggie leaning forward to kiss the curls of your anxiety away. to say "thank you for telling us." and to ask "my fingers, are they okay?" 

you consider, you nod. you reach out and find lucy's hand, lacing your fingers together. 

"i just couldn't, it's too-" you try, not focusing on anything in particular but trying to get the words out. 

"hey, hey," maggie's saying gently "alex, look at me." there's enough command there to guide you, to allow you to focus on her "you don't have to justify, okay?" 

you nod. 

"we can talk about it, later, tomorrow." maggie promises, "whenever you're ready to."

you nod again. the reassurance that they're not demanding anything of you now, not words, not if you don't have them. 

maggie breaks into a soft smile, as if she can sense that you're already slipping back down into the headspace. she leans down and kisses you, slow and lazy. she's building you back up, nipping your lower lip enough to make you gasp. her lips moving to your jaw, your neck and then, voice gravel "colour ally?" she asks 

"green." you reply, because god, 

you haven't forgotten how wet you are. how desperately turned on you are and long you've been denied repeatedly. 

"colour lucy?" maggie asks 

"i'm green if you are mags." 

maggie hums happily, you hear her, see them kiss once, quickly and there's lucy squeezing your hand "you want your hand tied again?" 

you consider, then say hazily, "yes, please, ma'am." lifting your hand out and above your head. 

so you're being tied again and the restraint feels good. being able to pull and tug and curl your hand around the rope - it's a freedom you crave. 

and then there's maggie, and shes leaning down, capturing your lips in a kiss and a hand is trailing through your hair. her fingers feel good against your scalp, scratching with just the right pressure, and her teeth tugging ever so lightly on your lower lip. 

time seems to slow and you lose focus on anything but maggie kissing you, her weight settled atop you. 

[some part of you registers the sounds of lucy touching herself. of lucy touching herself and watching maggie kiss you, top you. some part of her registers that and you whine into maggie's mouth.] 

she smirks, 

"easy, danvers." maggie says, teasing "soon. i promise."

you're sure she does. 

not sure you believe her though. not even when she's kissing your jaw, your neck. especially when her lips are finding lucy's earlier mark just below your collarbone. she's sucking and nipping and 

_marking_

you. 

it feels so good. maggie's fingers playing with your nipples, pinching and playing and her finger nails running down your abs. 

"alex," comes lucy's voice, cutting through you haze "watch." 

so you open your eyes. 

you see the ceiling for a long moment before you're dragging your gaze to lucy. she's on her back, on her side, touching herself oh so lightly - teasing - but watching you. 

watching maggie. 

maggie teeth are at your hip and you react instinctively, pressing your hips up and towards her mouth. it's strong hands that press you back down into the bed. 

you whine and fight to remain still as maggie teases, her mouth on the curve of your hip, your inner thigh, just above your clit. 

you can't keep still you realize, 

it's impossible, 

you can't do it, 

you _have_ to come, maggie's finger tips are running across your labia, you know they must be soaked. 

you've never been this close to coming with so little contact, you're going to come. 

you're sure of it. 

you're - 

maggie's stopped. 

paused. 

"please, please." you sob, you're desperately pressing you own hips into the bed - as if that's all maggie needs. to see that you're being a good girl. that you're obedient for her. 

there's something happening. 

something to your right, lucy's off the bed and you can hear her talking - distant words. 

you don't know, but something feels off. 

the first words you coherently understand are lucy saying, 

in a half work - half calmed tone

"are you sure?" 

pause. 

then, "we'll be there." 

and that that flips something in your brain. some, 

emergency switch and suddenly the ropes are too tight, the spreader is too much. 

"hey, hey" maggie's saying gently "alex look at me." still with that command in her voice. 

you look at her. 

you see the shift in her eyes, that this serious, but also that she's stable and sturdy and she's got you. 

"breathe." maggie says gently "breathe for me alex." 

you do, forcing yourself to exhale, inhale, exhale. but there are still tears slipping down your face. 

"i'm going to untie you." maggie says gently "okay?" 

you nod. 

"and i need you to be still when i'm done, okay?" 

"what's-" you start. 

"breathe for me alex." maggie says again, cutting you off. 

you do. 

you take a breath. 

in. 

maggie's released your right hand. 

out. 

in. 

out. 

maggie's released your left hand. 

somewhere in the room is lucy, you hear her moving and don't think she's on the phone any more. 

the spreader bar is gone next, you hear it being pushed off the bed. there's the urge to sit up, to stand up and figure out what's going on. but also, 

god also your entire body feels both wired and like it's made of cement. you roll onto your side instead, great gasping breaths coursing through you. 

there's a touch down your spine and it's maggie "sit up for me alex." she says gently. 

it takes an eon of effort, and you wince because god, your ass, but maggie's there. her hand at your back, easing you to a sitting position. your legs are shaking you realize. 

"small sips, okay babe?" she says, bringing a bottle to your lips. 

you nod, your head is spinning. 

you're trying to find something like solid ground, but now you're not so sure you can. 

"alex, alex," maggie is firm, but calm and the hand on your back is grounding "you're okay. you're safe. i've got you babe. i've got you alex." 

and then lucy's voice, low and worried "mags, we've got to-" 

"i know." maggie assures "i know luce." and you feel maggie wiping your tears. tears that you didn't know were still falling. 

your press your forehead into the curve of maggie's shoulder, trying to center yourself, trying to do anything. but you can't. there's an arm wrapping around your back, pulling you closer, another hand running through your hair "just breathe ally," maggie says "you're okay. you're safe." 

you know that it's true. 

but your body doesn't feel it. you can't connect maggies words with what you're feeling. with - 

"she can't go into work-" 

"maggie i-" and you hear lucy's pleading, lucy's confusion and her desperation to find a way out of this "ill be there." lucy says finally, but it sounds like she's trying to convince herself. 

"i'm coming too." maggie says, her hand still running through your hair "i'm not -" she shakes her head "i'm not sitting here while you two run into god knows what."

"okay." lucy agrees, and then she's walking, you can hear her footsteps, you can her her kneeling next to you, a hand on your thigh - it twitches "alex, can you look at me?" 

you take a deep breath "i feel weird." you say finally, admitting it with a shaky breath. 

lucy bites her lip "i know." she says "i know you do." a glance exchanged between maggie and lucy, one that you can only see part of. 

and then lucy is shaking her head "you're right." lucy is saying, bringing a hand to your hair "i've got to go out." she says "okay?" 

that tugs at something inside of you. something distant, but important, something beyond the scene, beyond your body feeling like it's not a part of you "what's happened?" you ask, trying to pull the piece of yourself together.

trying to slide off maggie's lap, onto your own to feet, but she doesn't let you "is it kara?" 

lucy takes a hesitant breath and then you're standing "what's happened?" you demand again, not realizing that you're wavering on your feet until lucy's reaching out to stabilize you "i'm coming in." you say defiantly. 

[not that you know how you'd make it. not when your arms don't feel like they're yours. not when you feel this great gaping hole in your chest.] 

"you can't." lucy says 

"why not?" you press "i'm fine." 

"alex." maggie says, from her seat on the bed "alex you're not." 

"i can't - if kara-" you're breathing erratically, you're feeling disconnected again now that lucy's let go of your arm. 

"alex look at me," lucy says, reaching out to touch you again "alex i can't let you go in." 

"but kara-" you push, focusing on kara.

kara in trouble. kara in danger. 

you have to be there, you have to protect. 

"i will protect kara." lucy says with more finality than you've ever heard "okay? i won't let anything happen to her." 

you shake your head "i have to go." 

"you can't." lucy says, again, more certain than before "i know you want to, i know you do. but it's too risky."

part of you isn't connecting all the dots as fast as you shoulder "i don't - i'm a good agent." 

"yeah, you are." lucy agrees "but this scene, what we were doing, it was intense and i won't risk you dropping. not in the field." 

dropping. 

oh.

sub drop. 

oh. oh.

you waver again on your feet and this time let lucy guide you back to the bed. 

lucy kneels down in front of you "it's to protect you, okay?" 

you nod "i-" you start, stop "i feel weird." 

perhaps maggie and lucy share a glance, perhaps they don't. you're not sure. you're leaning back on your hands - taking as much weight off your ass as you can.

only now do you realize that lucy is fully clothed. 

lucy's phone rings again, and you jump - wincing when you sit too much on your ass. 

"i'm on my way." lucy says "just me." 

pause. 

"i'm making the call j'onn. she can't. i need you to trust my call on this." 

you roll onto your stomach, curling up, trying to push down the hollow feeling rising in you stomach, seeping in your veins. 

there's a hand on your back, lucy's lips pressing to your scapula "i'll be back, okay alex? i love you." 

you can't reply. 

softer, you hear "i'll be back as soon as i can mags." you hear the sound of a soft kiss, of maggie taking a deep breath. 

"i love you." maggie says quietly "be safe." 

"you know i will." 

and then lucy is gone and the door is shutting and you're curling harder around yourself because you've never felt like this before. out of sorts and out of control of yourself, 

and not in the fun way. 

it's like there's this gaping vacuum draining away all of your energy, all of your comfort. 

"alex," 

a gentle voice, and it's maggie you know, but you can't look up. it's too much work, and anyway, 

lucy already left. 

won't maggie need to go as well? 

"you can go." you force out quietly, reaching blindly for blankets "i know you have to." 

"oh, alex, no." maggie is saying quietly, moving up the bed to be closer to you - her hand finding yours "i'm not leaving babe. i'm not going anywhere." 

that feels like good news. her hand feels solid, but still you're out of balance. 

it distresses you more when tears well up in your eyes "i don't know why i feel like this." you admit. 

"you're dropping." maggie says quietly "it's going to be okay, i promise alex. i'm not leaving." 

"but work-" 

"you're more important." 

that makes your eyes sting and your breathing sharpen "you mean it?" 

"yeah," maggie says, and with her hand still in yours, she's reaching for something on a bedside table "can you come lay all the way on the bed for me?" she asks 

you manage a nod, and a slow shift so you're laying properly on the bed, clutching a pillow. maggie's sitting next to you and all you can think to do is get as close to her as possible, pressing the length of yourself against her "do you want to come?" maggie asks quietly. 

you're not sure. 

yes, but also no.

you're still wet and wanting, but your body doesn't feel like your own, which leaves you confused and quietly shaking your head. 

you hope that doesn't upset maggie. 

"i don't-" you say, but the words run out, so all you're left with is "i feel weird." you say quietly, it's all you can settle on - those three words to try and describe how you feel. 

"that's okay." maggie reassures quietly, her touch oh so gentle "let's get you into a shower then, okay?"

you're not sure your legs will work. you imagine the energy it will take to wash your hair, your body. you imagine standing under the spray with your ass on fire. 

"it hurts." you mumble into the pillow "it'll hurt." 

"i know, i know." maggie replies, again oh so gently, "but you'll feel better. okay?" 

you reach back blindly and find her hand, words escaping you again. her fingers lace with yours, and maggie's pressing a kiss to the soft skin behind your ear "i've got you alex." she says "okay?" 

you nod, leaning back into her, letting maggie guide you up, guide you to your feet. the whole time she stays so close. her hand is curled around your hip. you can feel her body heat radiating off you and it makes you feel very cold all of a sudden. 

you shiver, walking towards the bathroom where maggie turns on a light and with it, the fan. the fan is so loud and jarring - it makes you flinch into her touch. you're already unsteady on your feet and holding an arm out to catch yourself on the wall, the other curling into maggie's. 

[you don't like feeling like this. where your body isn't yours, but all your aches and bruises and scars, they're yours and they're 

heavy. they're curling and tight and strangling.] 

_"the counter's right here."_ and her words sound distant, as if they're being spoken by someone very far away _"lean against it babe."_ and maggie's guiding your hands to the cool contour of the counter. 

you do, 

lean against it, 

but then maggie's hand is leaving yours, her body is no longer as close and you try and reach for her. your anchor in all this. 

your eyes are closed, lulled towards the haze and yet you still hear maggie's voice, soft and strong "i'm just turning on the shower, okay? i'm here." 

and then she is.

coaxing you to open your eyes, to focus on the sturdiness in her brown eyes. the bathroom feels like a foreign land, so you find maggie's hand with one of your own. you let her guide you into the shower. 

the temperature is perfect. even as the water hits your back and makes you wince because god, 

your ass. still. 

and then maggie is stepping in and she's saying gently "turn this way ally, can you do that for me?"

you can, you do. it's simple enough to just listen to maggie, to watch her. even if the worry is plain across her face "better?" she asks softly, and the way you're standing now, half under the spray, half not - it doesn't make you wince. 

you nod. 

you see maggie reaching for your shampoo and you try to protest "i can-" you start, but even as you say it, 

you can't. your arms aren't yours - but the stiffness in your shoulders is.

"let me." maggie pushes, squeezing some into her hand. 

[you'll later realize that maggie was rocked onto her toes, shoulder pressed against the tiled wall for stability]

her hands feel so good in your hair. gentle and scratching lightly but not too hard. the perfect combination to keep you tethered to her, here in the shower. 

"head back." maggie murmurs and you close your eyes, rinsing your hair, feeling the shampoo running down your back. 

you bite your lip, hand at the shower wall and feeling maggie's body all the while. 

"one more time babygirl." maggie says and this time when you tip your head back, her hands are there. 

it makes you want to cry. 

the contrast of this weight in your chest with maggies gentleness. a stronghold against the unknown storm. you don't know why she would do this for you. why she's choosing you, just the one, over the masses of national city.

you don't realize you're crying for real until suddenly maggie is in front of your. eyes dark and concerned, her hand at your hip, looking up "hey," she says gently and now she's not under the spray at all and isn't she freezing? 

you think she must be. can see the goosebumps across her skin. 

"alex, hey, you're okay." 

you must be, because she says you are. and maggie wouldn't lie, doesn't lie to you. but still, 

there are unexplained tears.

"can you look at me?" maggie asks gentle and you don't realize how unfocused your gaze is until you're trying to center yourself with her. 

until it's taken you long seconds to find her face, meet her eyes. 

she's worried - it's clear and you feel bad. 

"s'ry." you mumble, bringing a hand to wipe your tears, looking away. 

"no, no," maggie refutes softly "you have nothing to apologise for. i'm going to wash your body, is that okay? just some soap and my hands, okay?" 

"yeah," you reply, the word stumbling up your throat "'kay" 

so she does. 

and maggie's hands, 

oh maggie's hands, 

they're so gentle across your body. soapy and soft, maggie asks you gently to turn under the spray, rinsing you and then it's 

"i'm going to get your towel, okay?" 

preparing to leave you standing under the spray for a moment, you nod and maggie is stepping out of the shower. you hear her toweling off. you hear her breathing in the newfound silence when you manage to cut the water. 

her breathing is a forced calm. 

you're stepping out of the shower and into her arms. 

the towel she's found isn't yours at all. it's one of lucy's, one of her ridiculously soft, ridiculously fluffy, jet black towels. and maggie is using it to dry you off. deliberate slow movements. 

"you're so good for me." maggie praises quietly, wrapping you in the towel and guiding you to sit down on the toilet lid. 

she's kneeling in front you, maggie's hands on your knees and barely, 

barely do you see her shivering,

but she is.

"i'm going to change the sheets." maggie is saying, looking up at you "okay? you'll be able to see me the whole time. and then i'll bring you some clothes. all you have to do is sit here for me." 

you can do that.

you can sit. 

swallowing hard you find words rising, spilling out "when'll lucy be back?" 

it's half mumbled and all worry, all this concern that's rising because you know she's at work. and you know she's probably in danger, that it must be bad if they called her in. called you in.

but you're here.

you're with maggie and this body that feels a little more your own - but not quite enough. 

"i'm not sure." maggie says honestly "as soon as she can." she amends, squeezing your knee. 

you nod. that will have to do.

maggie stands, kissing your temple "i'll be right back." she promises. 

it feels longer than it is, you're sure. shivering in the bathroom while maggie moves as quickly, as quickly as she can. pulling sheets off and leaving them in a heap on the floor. you watch as she fits new ones on the bed, changing pillow cases and fitted sheets, top sheets. she pulls the comforter back up and then she's walking to the drawers. 

you hear them more than see them open, and then maggie is back here, guiding you to your feet "lets get you changed." she says, 

and you realize she's pulled a black slater kinney t-shirt on that's absolutely lucy's. even on maggie it's a little small, and the thought makes you smile. 

"i's small." you mumble nodding towards maggie's shirt 

"i'll tell lucy you said that." maggie replies, gently, with a smile.

you nod once, then frowning "maybe not. she may never let me come." 

maggie laughs and the sound tugs at something beyond the heavy weight in your chest. makes you feel a little bit lighter. 

the shirt maggie chose for you is one of hers. one of her bigger ones. the gotham university department of biology one that maggie loves so much.

and now she's letting you wear it, pulling you back to the bed by a hand, fingers tangled. she's pulling you into her arms and you're melting into her embrace willingly, clinging to her. even with the way she's a little unsteady, gripping you oh tightly. 

right now you need it. 

[and you think she does too] 

"think you can eat something for me?" maggie asks, pulling her head back just enough to look up and see your face. 

you're standing near the edge of the bed and you consider, but your insides are too heavy, too twisted for you to even think about eating. 

you shake your head. 

"that's okay." maggie says gently and then she's pulling back the fresh sheets. you're climbing into bed, you're sinking down onto your stomach and maggie is pulling you closer. 

laying like this you notice maggie's laptop resting on her other side. you see a packet of ritz crackers settled beside two bottles of gatorade. you wonder when maggie had time to get this all ready. they should be tempting, after - 

after everything you think you should be hungry. yet you're not. 

you're still feeling raw and heavy and you curl yourself up next to maggie, pressing your face into her shoulder and feeling those tears rising again. you don't know where they're coming from, just that they're 

_here._

and maggie's hand is at your back, slow, calming circles, coaxing you to let it out. 

you're not sure how long you cry for, but it feels good. it feels like maybe if you can just keep crying you'll get rid of the weight sitting in your chest. 

yet that's not what happens. you cry, oh yes you cry. you cry until there are no more tears, and you're just taking shallow shuddering breaths. it's maggie's words that you hear first, the first sounds that register beyond your own lungs working, pulse racing. 

"-it out." she's saying "i've got you. you're so good ally. and lucy's going to come back and you're going to be okay. just know that you're safe alex. i won't let anything happen to you." 

maggie keeps talking, a steady stream of comfort and praise. you cling to them, pressing the full of yourself against maggie's side, as if you can jsut be immersed by her words and her love. 

you wish. 

you're exhausted but can't sleep and you know maggie won't consider it until you are. so you just curl against her side and focus on her breathing , on the way it's still a little uneven, and maybe if you found her pulse you'd find that it's higher. 

it's more than you can think about now, as maggie types in her password with a dexterous hand. she pulls up netflix and is murmuring quietly "what do you think about avatar?' 

"pretty colours." you mumble into her neck. 

maggie laughs, but there's still the tension wound in her body - barely perceptible "you're not wrong there babe." she says 

the volume is on low as she hits play, keeps the subtitles on, but you're not watching anyway. you're trying to find sleep, trying to get away from the sinking feeling in your chest and how it feels like every minute that lucy is gone it's getting harder to breathe. 

"i love you alex." maggie says quietly "so much. you're so loved." 

the words buoy you, give you something to tether yourself too as the minutes tick by. 

and your heart rate is slowing, pulse dropping. you're letting yourself get lost in maggie touch, in the softness of her body and the words she says every so often.

[i love you]

[you're safe]

[i've got you]

you must fall into something like sleep, although all the while you can hear the movie playing if not understanding the words exactly - 

but at some point you register footsteps and you register maggie's relieved 

"hey you." as it spreads across the room.

yet it's lucy's, worn but equally relieved "hey gorgeous." 

and the tightness in your chest snaps because lucy's here and maggie's here and emotions that stayed tangled and twisted before are now expanding and exploding in your chest. 

now gripping you. 

it's a choked breath and in the back of your mind the sounds of a jacket falling to the floor, 

boots being kicked off, pants being undone and slipped out of. 

you reaching and reaching and then, 

finally,

[hours later it must be because the credits for jurassic park are playing] 

lucy's climbing into bed. 

she's crawling next to you, pulling you into her arms and all the fear, 

all the unknown at the vastness of dropping like this, 

it ebbs, 

because lucy is here and maggie is here. they've got you. you're balanced again. 

or, 

you're getting there. you’re going to be balanced again. 

you know this with lucy holding you close, and a hand tangled with maggies. 

you lay here like this, between them both, taking deep shuddering breaths and your eyes squeezed shut. it’s long, long moments of lucy kissing your forehead, your temple and her hand stroking up and down your back. 

all the emotions the vacuum in your chest took, seem to be coming back and in this moment and the ones that follow, they feel like too much. so all you can do is press yourself against lucy and ground yourself with the steady thrumming of her heart under your hand, splayed against her ribs. 

"you're okay." lucy's saying sometime later, and it takes you a while to realize that it's not you who she's speaking to -

not exactly. 

it's maggie. 

maggie who's gripping lucy's hand, who's free hand is stroking down your back, calming over and over again. 

maggie who's held herself together all night, or is it morning now? 

you press a kiss to lucy's collarbone and you feel her smile. once again she’s speaking to maggie, the words floating over your head, and she’s saying 

“you kept her safe mags, you did so good.” 

which is true, you nod against lucy’s shoulder and manage to say quietly, gently, words a little more in focus

"i feel less weird.” you mumble “now that you’re back.” 

and there's a contented sigh from lucy, another smile, a "i second that." from maggie, voice thick, and you feel her body pressing against your side, careful not to press against your ass. you feel maggie pressing soft kisses to the base of your spine, to your scapulae. she is so, so gentle, almost reverent. 

and lucy saying, 

"i love you both. so much." 

and you wonder if she's crying, but you can't look up. you don't have the energy. 

you're exhausted and you feel it. floating in a body that's not quite yours, sandwiched between the two women who love you, who've got you.

finally, 

at last, 

you sleep.

although really it's more just passing out from exhaustion, able to now that your body is coming back to itself. now that it’s your arms wrapped around lucy’s body. and it’s your head resting against lucy’s shoulder. no longer swimming in some distant sea of your mind. you’re safe. now that lucy's safe and maggie's safe.

it'll be okay. 

*

"- just, we talked about this," 

are the first words you hear, soft and choked and full of tears, maggie's tears "but not, not you having to _leave._ and i know-" she pauses, you're still half asleep, still bone achingly tired, 

but maggie is in distress and you can't, could never, ignore that. you work on pulling yourself into something like wakedness. 

"i know you didn't have a choice. that work called." maggie continues, "but i -" you imagine maggie shaking her head and continues, her voice low, "she's never dropped like that before and i didn't - i didn't know what to do." 

"maggie," comes lucy's voice, soft and loving and heartbroken from your other side, form under you, next to you "maggie you did, you did so good. you did everything right. you did everything you could." 

"i didn't feel like it." maggie says quietly "she was catatonic almost luce, i - i was so scared. and worrying about you, on top of that. with god knows what happening out in the city.” you feel maggie shake her head. 

there a shifting and you feel lucy move away from you. you curl around the pillow that still smells like her, still warm from lucy’s body. her feet hit the rug on the bedroom floor easily. she walks around the bed, instead of climbing over and risk disturbing you. there are the soft sounds of lucy climbing back into bed, then a beat of silence and the muffled cries continue, but you can imagine lucy pulling maggie into her arms.

you're more awake now, moving and reaching and finding maggie's hand. you're groggy when you push yourself up, eyes full of sleep, voice gravel and dreams but you find maggie face. you see her eyes bright and her cheeks tear streaked "were perfect." you manage "okay?"

there's lucy's hand in your hair, tucking a loose strand behind your ear, and maggie is pulling you towards her. you come easily, pressing a sloppy kiss to her lips, mumbling, now a little more awake "you did everything right." you insist. 

and then you're pressing yourself against her, sleep calling to you, tugging at you. 

the last thing you register is lucy with a hand across your hip, resting across maggie's body. the three of you squished together in a bed that gives you plenty of room to spread. maggie's hand carding through your hair over and over again. laying like this you can hear her breathing 

calmer now.

you can hear her pulse, 

slowing, steadying. 

and lucy behind you, 

awake you think, waiting until you're asleep. until maggie is settled. 

the weight in your chest is gone, your body is once again yours, 

theirs.

**Author's Note:**

> this story would never have been possible without ontari and syllabicacronyms - so major major thanks to both of them for that. 
> 
> also, this is the first thing i've really written for quite some time so i'm hella hella nervous. as always, comments and constructive criticism are welcome.


End file.
